Mayfair Secrets

Mayfair Secrets…

They are everywhere in London W1. Tyne O’Connell explains….

Mayfair London Secrets

I’m out of hospital; rattling with pills, my veins ruined from ineptly inserted catheters. I snuck out as all the medics can do now is “monitor” me & my ‪iPhone‬ can do that.
I’m an infamous runaway-patient & expertly remove catheters as other mothers remove splinters.

My family have been conspiring in my hospital escapes since I first gave birth to my daughter in the bath, assuring all I wasn’t in labour at all. I just needed a “nice little soak.”
O’Connell women have a predisposition for absconding & dissent & my husbands & children have aided me in my ‪Mayfair Escapades‬ more than expected, despite my ‪prenup‬ full disclosure.

I strictly adhere to ‪tradition‬, ‪etiquette‬ & ‪good‬-manners but ‪hospital‬-confinement, ‪panjandrums‬ & ‪men‬-in-polyester-uniforms make me ‪‎bolt‬.

My children suffered terribly with me constantly urging them to “skip school darling & spend the day with Mummy” at the ‪V‬&A or ‎Fortnum‬’s or “playing with jewels at ‪Asprey’s‬.”
Probably why they ran away to ‪#‎boarding‬-school.

They were frequently pressed to rescue me in scaling over the ‪Church‬-Gates of ‪Mount‬-St-Gardens when I’d come home from my ‪Park‬-Lane revelry after the church-gates had already been locked.

I probably could have found an alternative route to our ‪Mount Street Flat‬ but when it comes to ‪navigation skills‬, I score about as low as a ‪Spaniel‬. Getting up the blessed gates was a breeze, but once up I couldn’t face the drop. I’d phone the family & they’d all clamber onto the window-seat on ‪#‎MountSt‬ ‪#‎Mayfair‬ & look down on me dangling off the gate post like a distressed cat. After their laughter & general merriment, the husbands & children would eventually clamber down the four flights of stairs with the ladder & rescue me.

Throughout my self-inflicted “spot-of-bother” (as I described these regular predicaments to my own ‪mad‬-madre) ‪‎Jesuit‬-Priests, Mayfair-doormen & patrons of ‪Scott‬’s would amble past without a second glance. It takes more than a Mad-Mayfair-Matron in six-inch ‪crocodile‬-shoes dangling from the church gates to raise an eyebrow in My Manor!
Not without reason has Mayfair & St James’s been home to ‪Roman Catholics‬, eccentrics, royals, spies & Bluestocking-salons.

©Tyne O’Connell