They are everywhere in London W1. Tyne O’Connell explains….
I’m out of hospital; rattling with pills, my veins ruined from ineptly inserted catheters. I snuck out as all the medics can do now is “monitor” me & my iPhone can do that.
I’m an infamous runaway-patient & expertly remove catheters as other mothers remove splinters.
My family have been conspiring in my hospital escapes since I first gave birth to my daughter in the bath, assuring all I wasn’t in labour at all. I just needed a “nice little soak.”
O’Connell women have a predisposition for absconding & dissent & my husbands & children have aided me in my Mayfair Escapades more than expected, despite my prenup full disclosure.
I strictly adhere to tradition, etiquette & good-manners but hospital-confinement, panjandrums & men-in-polyester-uniforms make me bolt.
My children suffered terribly with me constantly urging them to “skip school darling & spend the day with Mummy” at the V&A or Fortnum’s or “playing with jewels at Asprey’s.”
Probably why they ran away to #boarding-school.
They were frequently pressed to rescue me in scaling over the Church-Gates of Mount-St-Gardens when I’d come home from my Park-Lane revelry after the church-gates had already been locked.
I probably could have found an alternative route to our Mount Street Flat but when it comes to navigation skills, I score about as low as a Spaniel. Getting up the blessed gates was a breeze, but once up I couldn’t face the drop. I’d phone the family & they’d all clamber onto the window-seat on #MountSt #Mayfair & look down on me dangling off the gate post like a distressed cat. After their laughter & general merriment, the husbands & children would eventually clamber down the four flights of stairs with the ladder & rescue me.
Throughout my self-inflicted “spot-of-bother” (as I described these regular predicaments to my own mad-madre) Jesuit-Priests, Mayfair-doormen & patrons of Scott’s would amble past without a second glance. It takes more than a Mad-Mayfair-Matron in six-inch crocodile-shoes dangling from the church gates to raise an eyebrow in My Manor!
Not without reason has Mayfair & St James’s been home to Roman Catholics, eccentrics, royals, spies & Bluestocking-salons.